10. Gently remind the children to sit down. Don’t just yell, “I’m packin’ heat so find a seat!”
9. If a mom ever comes running out in her robe and curlers stop immediately. Do NOT miss this opportunity to thoroughly embarrass the kid.
8. No car driver WANTS to hit a school bus. Use this to your advantage when you’ve mis-timed that stoplight.
7. If you ever come up short a kid while on a field trip just grab a stray from a different bus. They all look alike.
6. It is your obligation to confiscate inappropriate items from the children. It is your option to negotiate a generous bribe to give them back.
5. Don’t believe the kid who says he’s telling his mom. She won’t do anything to you because she doesn’t want to drive the kid to school.
4. Put one of those “Uber” or “Lyft” signs on your windshield and keep the bus supervisor worrying.
3. If you hear kids praying on your route you might want to slow down a bit.
2. If you are assigned bus number 13, 69 or 420 immediately demand a different bus.
1. As the children exit the bus tell them, “Have a nice day,” and not, “Begone demon child.”
