Torry’s Top 10: How to be a cool kid on the first day of school

By Torry Stiles

10. Pack your lunch in a Happy Meal box.
9. Shave the dog, get some glue and be the only kid in fourth grade with a beard.
8. Pack your Crayolas in a Marlboro flip-top box.
7. Shout, “Rona!” every time someone coughs.
6. Bring a box of Long’s to homeroom. Sell them for a dollar each. If the teacher catches you claim it’s an Economics class project.
5. Eating paste is something the Boomers did. Grab a handful of glue sticks and chow down.
4. Every time the teacher asks a tough question just answer, “ We’ll circle back to that one later.”
3. Forget fake IDs. Counterfeit fake immunization cards.
2. Buy one of those “Service animal” vests for your dog. Borrow other people’s pets and swap out dogs regularly.
1. Photoshop your picture onto posters of “ Dead-beat dads.”