TOP TEN THINGS I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND

By Torry Stiles

10. Reality TV shows that are on the air even after they’ve been busted for being faked.

9. How the phrase, “No tools required,” has me reaching for the socket wrench set even before I have all the parts unpacked.

8. How people who have seen how chicken nuggets are made can still eat chicken nuggets.

7. How anyone can tell the Khardasian women apart … and I include some of the men and the ones in between.

6. The difference between beige, ecru, fawn, bone, off-white and all those other colors that aren’t quite white.

5. How the people in the live cop shows are ever caught when the cops are sneaking up to the house with floodlights and a camera crew in tow.

4. How do they decide on the appropriate amount of bug parts allowable in food?

3. At what point “manly musk” becomes “rancid saddle leather.”

2. When did we decide we had to add sea salt to everything?

1. How people feel they can take care of a dog but have to buy their dog food online because they don’t have time to go to the store.