By Torry Stiles
10. Never take yourself too seriously. Remember: your wife may love you but she still thinks you’re an idiot.
9. Never be afraid to try new things, especially if they worked before.
8. Relax. Nobody remembers the crappy ones.
7. Never open lumpy fan mail.
6. If you have to steal someone else’s joke make sure it isn’t anybody famous.
5. Avoid putting funny stuff in the fifth spot. Folks need a rest from laughing. … See?
4. Ask for the corner office, settle for a card table in the hall. Get too demanding and next week the editor replaces you with old Andy Capp comics.
3. Avoid any dirty words stronger than “crappy” or “booger.”
2. Tell the kids you work for the Mob or are a stripper. They don’t need the shame of knowing you do this.
1. Don’t sweat the folks writing those letters to the editor. You’ll be in next week’s paper and they’ll be back at the house yelling at the squirrels to get off the lawn.