Top 10 ways you blew the first date

By Torry Stiles

10. “I’m out here waiting. You said you’d pick me up at 6 p.m.”

“Who is this?”

9. “How will I know which one is you?”

“I’ll be out front with a cardboard sign.”

“I’m out front now, and the only guy with a cardboard sign is the guy standing in the median.”

“Hello.”

8. “I’m here for our date.”

“I’m upstairs.”

“But this is the county courthouse. I don’t know you well enough to stand before the judge yet.”

“You’ll be fine. I need $500 to make bail. Third floor.”

7. “This is my sweet Mister Fluffykins. He doesn’t like you. You bleed too much.”

6. “Hello. This is Josh. We had a date.”

“Who’s that with you?”

“That’s my mom. Wouldn’t give me the money unless I brought her.”

5. “You’re a lot skinnier on the internet.”

4. “Is this your car?”

“For now. Keep an eye out for cops, and we’ll be fine.”

3. “Wow, you live in a nice neighborhood.”

“My husband has a great job.”

2. “You’re not, like, one of those¬†book-reading smart girls, are you?”

1.”I’m hungry! Whatcha got to eat?”