Top 10 things you don’t want to hear around the bonfire

By Torry Stiles

10.  “It’ll be fine. That furniture is fireproof.”

9. “This is a weenie roast. These are hamburger buns. …. You had one job…”

8.  “We saved most of the lawn. …”

7. “Tell a scary story, Daddy.”

“Once upon a time at the corner of 38th and Post Road. …”

6. “We’re doing a haunted house!”


“Don’t know. It depends on who’s going away for the weekend.”

5.  “I brought y’all a jug of cider for the kids and my ‘special recipe’ for the grown-ups!”

“This stuff doesn’t have the kick it usually has.”

4. “Why did you kick out the Bauers and their kids?”

“I had told them to bring the bratwurst not their worst brat.”

3. “That’s a really nice fire. I didn’t think I had enough wood. Where’s the picnic table?”

2. “They’re not S’mores. We used Aunt Tammy’s special gummie candies. We call them S’nores.”

1.“Guess what isn’t fireproof?”