Top 10 signs my brain is not the one in charge around here

By Torry Stiles

10. Every week I tell myself I’m going keep a journal of funny Top 10 ideas, and every week I kick myself for all the funny stuff I forgot to write down.

9. While rarely violent, my arguments with household appliances can often be quite heated. Last week I was ready to throw hands with a toaster.

8. I have a bad habit of ending phone calls with, “Love ya. Bye-bye.” Very awkward when talking to the bank or utility companies.

7.  If 10 people say something tastes nasty I have to take a chance at being the 11th.

6. Just because your dog bites doesn’t mean I don’t want to pet it.

5. When someone asks my name I truly struggle to avoid saying, “Puddin’ Tame.”

4. Even when in the car by myself I must “moo” when I drive past cows.

3.  I heard the car doors lock as I stepped away, but I still hit the fob two or three more times to be sure.

2.  When I leave for work in the morning I tell the dogs what time I’ll be home.

1.My brain knows that the chocolate-hazelnut spread is about as healthy as cake frosting, but I still tell myself that it’s got nuts in it so it must be good for me.