Top 10 recent signs of ‘The New Normal’

By Torry Stiles

10. “Wanna be my girlfriend?” has been replaced with, “Wanna share a mask?”

9. After they’re done pulling guns out of cartoon shows they’ll go after the ones in the history books. In 20 more years the kids will be looking at pictures of George Washington charging into battle with nothing but badminton rackets.

8. The push for tax breaks for home-schooled kids will be coming from the same people who demanded charter schools be closed.

7. All-you-can-eat buffets will finally be able to offer a chocolate fountain that doesn’t taste of children’s fingers.

6. The NBA will allow the players to wear jerseys bearing their own social justice message. This will last until the first Second Amendment supporter chimes in.

5. All those police who get laid off will make a bundle hiring out as private security guards for the politicians who defunded them.

4. County Fairs will be reinstituted as “peaceful protests honoring the rights of oppressed farm animals.” … but with carnival rides and lots of fried foods.

3. Disinfectant wipes have replaced cigarettes as the coin of choice in prison.

2. They waited so long to hold the funeral that the widow showed up with her new husband.

1. We’re still looking for Mayor Hogsett.