TOP 10 HELPFUL HINTS TO WIN THE SEPT. 26 PET PHOTO CONTEST

By Porkrinds Stiles

(Dear readers – From time to time I allow my pet pig, Porkrinds, to contribute to a top 10 list. The Southside Times is hosting a pet photo contest for our Sept. 26 edition. Porkrinds insisted she do her part to help. Torry Stiles)

10. Bribery never hurts but don’t be givin’ the judges dead mice or fleas.

9. Make sure they get your picture in by Sept. 13. Pee on the bathroom rug if they don’t.

8. Study what kind of pose you should try. Wipe off your chin. Don’ t lick there until the picture takin’ is over.

7. Don’t let your person get by with some cruddy picture from his cell phone. Grab his credit card an’ get a professional.

6. If you’s a puppy you’s gots it easy makin’ them puppy dog eyes. If you’s a lizard or a snake you’s out of luck. Try wearin’ an itty-bitty cowboy hat or somethin’.

5. Girls! Don’t be givin’ no free shot. Tuck that tail an’ act like a lady.

4. Don’t be makin’ no duck face unless you’s a duck.

3. Avoid weird haircuts. Nobody wants a mutt with a mullet.

2. Cute starts from the inside so eats lots of cute stuff. I be munchin’ on Peeps an’ lots of donuts with sprinkles.

1.Y’all know y’all runnin’ for second, Don’t ya? I be takin’ the big money.

Porkrinds Stiles. (Photo by Torry Stiles)