Torry’s Top Ten: Ways to prepare for parenthood

Top Ten ways to prepare for parenthood that the books don’t tell you

by Torry Stiles

10. Set your alarm clock to go off every three hours.

9. Stretchy pants. Lots of stretchy pants.

8. Learn to like the taste of Cheerios and Similac.

7. Dribble maple syrup or honey throughout the house to get used to that sticky feeling.

6. Start practicing the excuses you’ll be giving your childless friends for missing out on adult activities.

5. Wipeable vinyl everywhere.

4. Volunteer at the local animal shelter and learn what they use to clean up “accidents.”

3. Scatter random Hot Wheels and other small toys on your bedroom floor. Don’t skimp on the Legos.

2. Replace your DVD library with Disney and Veggie Tales.

1. Lock up everything that’s not at least four feet off the ground.