Torry’s Top Ten: Top ten reasons I got kicked out of the YMCA

By Torry Stiles

10. “We encourage you to hydrate, but even a one beer limit is unacceptable in the gym.”

9. “I realize that snapping towels at one another was the funniest prank in school, but you have been out of school since ‘79, and Mr. Johnson is 82 years old.”

8. “For the last time: It is a swimming pool. No fishing!”

7. “Here at the YMCA, we do not make books on the kid’s soccer games.”

6. “Mr. Johnson is perfectly capable of operating the treadmill without you increasing the speed to maximum. Help me pick him up.”

5. “It is going to take more than one pushup to see a lot of difference. Please let someone else use the scales.”

4. “Just because the emergency defibrillator can be used to pop popcorn does not mean you should.”

3. “Yes, we know the song. No, we do not sing it every day.”

2. “It is a treadmill, not a gin mill. Come back tomorrow BEFORE you go to Happy Hour.”

1. “We are tired of your ‘That is not a Baby Ruth’ joke.”