Top ten things racing announcers shouldn’t say
by Torry Stiles
(Dear readers – Not only am I a writer for The Southside Times but I am also an announcer at a variety of motorsports venues such as the Indianapolis Speedrome and the State Fair. Over the years I have learned there are a few things one should not say on the PA.)
10. “We have some of the quickest wrecker drivers in the state.” Most of them moonlight as repo men.
9. “One of our best-known drivers….” Thanks to that episode of ‘Cops.’
8. “Somewhere out there is one proud papa.” Five different guys are now standing up and waving.
7. “Looks like there’s a fight in the pits.” A phrase that guarantees a mass exodus of people to head that way.
6. “If you can’t be in the Winner’s Circle at least be in the highlights tape.” Some racer’s dream of being a viral video someday.
5. “Remember: you are not allowed to hit the driver’s door.” Even if you do so from passenger side.
4. “He comes from a long line of race drivers.” Many racing family trees have few straight lines.
3. “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word, ‘Stop.'” He probably doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.
2. “Fire up the engines.” Not every mechanic is a good mechanic.
1. “Drive it like you stole it.” Many of my racers have done just that.