Torry’s Top Ten: Suggestions for our new editor

Top ten suggestions for our new editor

by Torry Stiles

( Dear readers – Jessica Todd  has joined us at The Southside Times as our new editor, chief cook and bottle washer. As one of the most senior members of the family it’s only fitting I pass on a few tips… whether she wants them or not. )

  1. Never make fun of grade school kickball. Roncalli alums run things in this town
  2. We have many fine bakeries on the SouthSide but always bow your head in reverence when discussing Long’s Donuts.  
  3. Most local government is a family business. If by family you mean like in the Godfather movies.
  4. Don’t be afraid to venture out. Wanamaker is quite lovely this time of year. 
  5. Porkrinds is my pet pig and is known to contribute a column once in a while. She can be a tad sassy at times and her spelling is atrocious. In her defense, she has a tough time typing with those piggy feet of hers. 
  6. I think Rick Hinton is in cahoots with some of those ghost friends of his. Don’t tick him off or you’ll wake up with Casper. 
  7. Garfield Park was not named for that cat. 
  8. As a contributor I am not required to follow the office dress code. Tonight I’m wearing a kilt. Tomorrow… optional.
  9. You are contractually obligated to have at least one Tiki Bowl at Lotus Garden your first year.
  10. Don’t believe the rumors. I am a man of conviction but none were felonies.