Top ten causes of the small crowd at the Brickyard 400
by Torry Stiles
10. “If I wanna see a bunch of Yahoo’s smash cars I’ll go hang out in the Walmart lot on payday.”
9. “Danica won’t answer my letters so I ain’t watchin’ her race.”
8. Still boycotting NASCAR over their lack of a Figure-8 division.
7. We can stay home and get drunk and sunburned.
6. It’s Shark Week. Sorry. Priorities.
5. Hoosiers are embarrassed to demonstrate their inability to pronounce “Keselowski.”
4. Folks misunderstood the stage racing concept and thought they would have three days to see the cars.
3. Rumor had it that due to cutbacks they were only serving Meisterbrau and Big K sodas.
2. The womenfolk stayed home to watch Jeff Gordon on TV. He’s like the Fabio picture on the Harlequin Romance books.
1. The Johnson County Fair demo derby ran late the night before and folks decided to sleep in.