Top Ten signs you’re not in a first class Bed and Breakfast inn
by Torry Stiles
10. Old-fashioned family life means you’re sharing the bed with the manager’s cousin.
9. Story time on the porch often starts with the stories about the bulky ankle bracelets much of the staff is wearing.
8. Their continental cuisine is apparently from Antarctica since most of it is from the freezer.
7. You hear banjo music but see no one.
6. You discover that the brochure’s claim that you will ‘share the way things used to be in simpler times’ includes sharing things we’ve since created vaccines for.
5. They offered ‘country-style living’ and you find yourself wondering which country.
4. The turn down service unfortunately does not refer to the neighbor’s car stereo at 3 a.m.
3. Rustic takes on a different meaning when there are splinters in your bed.
2. You awaken each morning to the sounds of the farm because your window is stuck open and the owner’s truck lacks a muffler.
1. The “family-style” breakfast consists of the manager yelling down the stairs, “Get it yourself!”