Top ten signs your county fair is in trouble
by Torry Stiles
10. In one tent you spot a mullet, a set of Elvis mutton chops and a Fu Man Chu mustache… and the men’s hair was even sadder.
9. Half of the chickens have been removed and replaced with frozen Cornish game hens.
8. You check the safety certificate on the Ferris Wheel and discover it is actually a doctored up Publisher’s Clearinghouse contest announcement.
7. The talent show features a variety of dance categories such as tap, jazz, duet and pole.
6. On “wristband night” you spot more ankle bracelets than wristbands.
5. One of the midway rides is a beat-up van with “Free candy” spray-painted on the side.
4. The demolition derby winner got cash, a trophy and an auto theft conviction.
3. Your corndog just winked at you.
2. The Most Beautiful Baby award went to the Fair Queen’s kid.
1. The Family Arts building has awards for cooking pies, cakes, pastries and meth.