Top ten things old men and pregnant women have in common.
by Torry Stiles
10. We both make weird noises standing up.
9. Beware the barking spiders.
8. All of our undergarments are far more practical than ornamental.
7. “I’m an adult and I’ll order off the kid’s menu if I want to.”
6. We get better parking spaces.
5. People hold doors for us, give up seats on buses and don’t laugh out loud when we walk around with food stains on our jogging pants.
4. All of our mistakes are due to hormones or the lack thereof.
3. “If we have to rush then it’s not worth going. You go on without me. I’ll be fine. Just (sniff) fine.”
2. The waistline is either just under the overhang or up near the armpits. No middle ground there.
1. We haven’t seen our shoes in weeks.