Torry’s Top Ten: Crotchety Old Man Thoughts

Top ten thoughts of a crotchety old man #2

by Torry Stiles

10. “If you’re floppin’ outta your clothes then maybe you should get more of them or less of you.”

9. “If I’m easin’ into your lane it’s ’cause I’m older and deserve it. Not because I’m a crappy driver.”

8. “When did the ‘F-bomb’ become a fire cracker?”

7. “Child-proof lids shouldn’t be old-man-proof.”

6. “Few things are more fake than the average reality TV show. “

5. “I smell funnier now than I did 30 years ago. This was not the comedic legacy I hoped for.”

4. “If the ice cream truck can’t find a better tune than that ‘Ach du Lieber Augustine’ bit then I may have to shoot something.”

3. “The older I get the better I understand why we have curfews and stretchy pants.”

2. “Coffee comes in one flavor: coffee. Everything else is to cover it up.”

1. “Nothing is like it used to be which is fine as long as things are the way they should be.”