Top ten things most likely to send me back to the hospital
by Torry Stiles
- My 12-step program to fix my Long’s Donuts addiction stopped with the 10 steps from my car to their counter.
- Had an argument with gravity and lost.
- The heart specialist needs three more payments and the Beamer is his.
- Had a big plate of asparagus and can’t wait to surprise the urologist.
- Cable’s out at home.
- Starved the cold AND the fever. Ended up dehydrated and diabetic.
- I’m building a model of the Taj Mahal and need more extra-wide tongue depressors.
- Some things don’t go away when you ignore them. Chest pains, for example.
- Have you had the fresh cookies at St. Francis? They are to die for.
- Conversation with wife:
Me: Can you go to sleep?
Me: ‘Cause I don’t want to hear you talking.