Torry’s Top Ten: 1/14/15

Top ten things most likely to send me back to the hospital


by Torry Stiles


  1. My 12-step program to fix my Long’s Donuts addiction stopped with the 10 steps from my car to their counter.
  2. Had an argument with gravity and lost.
  3. The heart specialist needs three more payments and the Beamer is his.
  4. Had a big plate of asparagus and can’t wait to surprise the urologist.
  5. Cable’s out at home.
  6. Starved the cold AND the fever. Ended up dehydrated and diabetic.
  7. I’m building a model of the Taj Mahal and need more extra-wide tongue depressors.
  8. Some things don’t go away when you ignore them. Chest pains, for example.
  9. Have you had the fresh cookies at St. Francis? They are to die for.
  10. Conversation with wife:

Me: Can you go to sleep?

Wife: Why?

Me: ‘Cause I don’t want to hear you talking.