Torry’s top 10: Top ten thoughts of a crotchety old man No. 3

Top ten thoughts of a crotchety old man No. 3

By Torry Stiles

10. Fifty years ago we had four TV channels and I watched at least three hours a day. Now we have over 400 channels and I don’t think I watch more than three hours a week.

9. If you treat ketchup as a beverage then we need to be on opposite sides of the room.

8. Never assume I want fries with my order unless they are free, in which case I want a double order.

7. I could never live in a retirement community because I want to be able to yell at the kids to get off my lawn.

6. If you have more than one drunk driving arrest involving a riding lawnmower then your problem is deeper than you realized. Get professional help and Astroturf.

5. Just because I like your dog doesn’t mean I like you. Think of it this way: if your dog piddles on my lawn I can deal with it. Don’t you try it.

4. Restaurant managers frown on patrons who lick the counters for a taste of the daily special.

3. Homecroft has a police officer whose name is “Croak.” That is a good name for a cop but would be a bad name for a doctor.

2. The person who first paired ice cream with gummy worms is my kind of guy.

1. Restaurant chili should never taste like canned chili.