TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO PUT IN YOUR LETTER TO SANTA

By Torry Stiles

10. “My big brother said you weren’t real so I superglued his pillow to his head. I can’t go home yet.”

9. “Do reindeer poop?”

8. “How close to naughty can I get without making the list? I mostly think they weren’t felonies.”

7. “When was the last time you checked your blood sugar? My teacher said fat people have to watch that.”

6. “Can you bring me the password for the Playboy channel?”

5. “Bring me a new bike and I’ll show you where Daddy hides his weed.”

4. “Last year you brought me a baby brother; this year I want you to take him back.”

3. “Are elf girls easy?”

2. “I hid the cookies until you cough up a new Xbox.”

1. “If I rat out my sister, do I get more toys?”