By Torry Stiles
10. Practice what I preach after preaching some really naughty stuff.
9. Demo derby the shopping carts in the Kroger cart corral.
8. Ghost-write autobiographies for my pretend friends.
7. Teach the neighbor kids how to cuss in Latin.
6. Mail empty envelopes to people with the words, “Payment Enclosed” stamped on the outside.
5. Ask my barber to model the cut he wants to give me.
4. Go to a sporting event and cheer on teams who aren’t playing that day.
3. Walk into a grocery store with a full bag of groceries and put them back on the shelves. For extra fun I stop at the cashier on my way out and demand $37.50.
2. Skip to my Lou even when I don’t know where Lou is.
1. Buy empty boxes from Long’s Bakery and leave them out on the table in the company break room.