TOP TEN REQUIREMENTS TO GET MY VOTE FOR SENATOR

By Torry Stiles

10. What you did in high school is much less important than what you did last year. Unless you were in high school last year, of course.

9. If you ever try to argue that my tax dollars are yours then you need to rethink our relationship. I’m hiring you, you work for me. I just don’t have to give you a watch after 20 years.

8. My next senator is welcome to carry a firearm but I draw the line at pistol-whipping liquor store clerks.

7. I am very skeptical of anyone who tries to solve a problem with nothing but thoughts and prayers.

6. I am very open-minded to any religion that does not require animal sacrifices.

5. Your position on gun control and abortion should never include wishing death on those who disagree.

4. A little weed is okay but I draw the line at, “I lost three weeks after the Grateful Dead concert in ’85.”

3. Have a job as something other than “politician.”

2. Know the difference between “right,” “wrong” and “nobody’s gonna catch me.”

1.Everyone has a few skeletons in their closet but if you’re still piling them in there we may now have a problem.