By Torry Stiles

10. “If you can make a new friend each day you’ll soon learn you won’t want to stop at just one.”

9. “Everyone is making those comic book movies these days but it’s not for me. The last time I wore my underwear on the outside Mama made me go inside.”

8. “Used to be we investigated our politicians BEFORE we elected them. Now we put them in office and then make them spend half their time testifyin’ and denyin’ what they did before.”

7. “We’ve got folks quittin’ smokin’ all over and we’re getting so healthy they’re cutting our Social Security to pay for what we use to pay with our cigarette taxes.”

6. “We finally get TV screens as big as movie screens and everybody spends their time watching their tiny little phones.”

5. “I don’t trust any man who can’t shut up long enough to listen to himself.”

4. “Two hundred years ago our kids were lucky to own a schoolbook that wasn’t the Bible or Pilgrim’s Progress. A hundred years ago they’d have one book each for math, English and history. Twenty years ago, parents were suing schools because they had to carry so many books they we’re hurting their backs. Now they go to school with a little computer and they can’t carry a Bible. And that’s progress.”

3. “I see Mr. Trump and Mr. Kim had a good meeting. Each got what they wanted. Mr. Trump got to say he met with Mr. Kim and Mr. Kim got to say he let him.”

2. “I suppose we all should be worried that the government counts on so much money each year from the inheritance taxes. It means they are counting on so many people dyin’ each year to make their budget. We all need to be awful nervous the years they come up short.

1.”The first part of Mr. Roosevelt’s New Deal was to repeal Prohibition. Now I read the government wants to sell that marijuana to fix the economy. I guess you can say they’re the New Dealers.”