TOP TEN RECENT OBSERVATIONS FROM THE PIG’S STY

By Porkrinds Stiles

(Translated by Torry Stiles)

(Dear readers – Longtime followers of this column … that would be you, Mom … will remember my pet pig and occasional guest commentator, Porkrinds. After a few months away, she’s back and has a few thoughts to share. Please read this slowly as she is not a good typist.)

Porkrinds is back and has some thoughts she’d like to share. (Photo by Torry Stiles)

10. “Y’all people needs to stop once in a while and just smell the flowers. But don’t eats ’em. Save that for me.”

9. “The more I thinks abouts it the more I likes the whole Kosher thing.”

8. “Y’all be blamin’ each other an ever’ one else for all your problems but runs off when someone tells ya to look in a mirror to see your solution. When my food bowl be empty I knows where to get me some flowers what makes good smells an’ good eatin’.”

7. “Sometimes just sittin’ on the porch an’ bein’ with friends is better than a full belly. It’s like your heart swells up an fills the empty corners. …. But it’s even gooder with a full belly, too.”

6. “Pigs are built low to the ground because more food falls than flies.”

5. “Y’all think pig’s stink but from down here the part of you that my snout reaches says y’all ain’t April Fresh yourselves.”

4. “Ev’ry year at Easter a bunch of y’all get your kids baby ducks an’ chicks an’ bunnies. An’ ev’ry year abouts Memorial Day y’all be droppin’ off those half-grown critters at the local shelter. Y’all needs ta jus’ get your kids some chocolate an’ jelly beans. … An’ If’n y’all wants to dump that just brings ’em to me.”

3. “I don’t remember my mom. Don’t never forget yours.”

2. “Us animals speak our own language an’ if y’all only knew what we be sayin’ abouts you y’all wouldn’t let us in you’ns houses.”

1.”Anyone can turn a palace into a prison by puttin’ up walls.”