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TOP TEN ITEMS I WANT THE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES TO PROMISE

By Torry Stiles

10. Designated hitter rule in baseball. I know it’s been around for decades but it still ticks me off.

9. End the two-sauce limit on a regular order of chicken nuggets.

8. Let’s be clear: if your little frou-frou dog is your “comfort animal” and should be allowed in the restaurant or grocery store then my pig, Porkrinds, is coming in, too.

7. Bring back paddling to the schools of both kids and their parents.

6. Stop promoting transparency in government. We can see right through most of you, already.

5. National Long’s Donuts Day.

4. Subsidize auto racing like you do football, baseball and soccer.

3. Bring back Shop Class, Home EC and a genuine fear of being kicked out of class for misbehaving.

2. Make the Juicy Fruit gum people proclaim what fruit it’s supposed to taste like.

1. Go ahead and legalize marijuana but only our old, regular weed and not the stuff they smoke these days that smells like a smoldering kitty litter box.

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