Top Ten excuses folks give for wrecking their car into a train

By Torry Stiles

(Dear readers – It seems that Southsiders have found a new hobby: running into trains with their cars. After much careful research, countless post-crash interviews and due scientific diligence I have made up these wonderful quotes.)

10. “All those flashing lights, bells and loud horns were so distracting. “

9. “It’s a rental. Nothing parties like a rental.”

8. “I used my signal. He should’ve seen it.”

7. “Joey saw a groundhog and I had to look, too.”

6. “I used to race the Figure-8 at the Speedrome. I thought I had a gap at the crossover.”

5. “I pulled back on the wheel but couldn’t get any altitude.”

4. “The wife started hollering, “Train! Train!” but I don’t hear so good so I was turning on the windshield wipers and rolling up my window.”

3. “It was early and I was running late. If the girl at the drive-thru had been quicker with my breakfast burrito this would’ve never happened.”

2. “If they don’t want me to drive around the crossing guards they shouldn’t leave me enough room to get around ’em.”

1. “What train?”