TOP TEN CONCERNS ABOUT BEING A CHAPERONE FOR A FIFTH-GRADE FIELD TRIP

By Torry Stiles

(Dear readers: Saturday morning I leave the Hoosier state for a trip to Washington, D. C. with a few dozen students from Daniel Webster School 46. It includes a bus ride, a few days’ stay and back home later in the week. It should be interesting and a perfect source of material for next week’s column.)

10. If I tell the jokes I found funny in fifth grade I’ll get kicked off the bus.

9. When I was in fifth grade my biggest worry was if they’d make me sit with the grown-ups. Now I am the grown-up they don’t want to sit with.

8. How do I explain that I saw some of the people they have old statues of?

7. They used to check the students for drugs. Now they are checking us chaperones. How am I supposed to sneak two bottles of Ibuprofen past the guards?

6. Just how much can I share about what I know about Washington politics? The Kennedy and Clinton stories alone would prevent me ever going on another trip.

5. We are all relieved to know there is a toilet on the bus. We have also instituted a ban on White Castle and Taco Bell on this trip.

4. These kids all grew up with cable TV. Do I really have to watch my language?

3. Disappointed to report that the kids aren’t the only ones barred from boozing it up on the bus.

2. Most of my wardrobe is older than these kids.

1. My tolerance for McDonald’s isn’t what it used to be.