By Torry Stiles
10. Your father calls to complain about the lack of a decent brunch at least once a year.
9. “Oh, honey. That’s fine. I know you’re busy. My real children remembered.”
8. The clerk at Walgreen’s is shaking her head and making that “tsk-tsk” sound.
7. You take a whiff and realize all of her flowers smell like Febreeze.
6. Your siblings call you up to thank you for making them look good.
5. She responds to your “Happy Mother’s Day, Mom” text message with a text that reads, “Who is this?”
4. She offers you half her chocolates, since, “you obviously need them more than she does.”
3. The card on the planter has the name of the funeral home it was originally delivered to.
2. You were careless and left the stuff in the dollar store bag.
1.”We’ve rented your room. You have 30 days to get out.”