Top 10 ways I’m preparing for winter

By Torry Stiles

10. Train the dogs to expect fewer long walks in the sun and more short trips to the back patio.

9. Begin the debate over which is harder to shovel: winter snow or election year BS.

8. Stock up on some “fat pants.”

7.  Buy a mouthguard and earplugs to help tolerate two months of “All I Want for Christmas Is You.”

6. Study up on which shopping malls have the better percentage of hot Santa’s helpers.

5. Break down and finally buy four new-to-me tires. Might even pay the whole 25 bucks each and get a couple that match.

4. Continue my boycott of pumpkin spice anything.

3.  Preparing for my argument with the wife about the appropriate time in a blizzard to panic and eat her guinea pigs.

2.  Exploring the scientific basis for the whole wooly-worm thing.

1.Stocking up on extra copies of The Southside Times. Love the entertaining stories, informative articles and I want to be ready in case there’s another toilet paper shortage.