Top 10 ways I really suck at the ‘aging gracefully’ thing

By Torry Stiles

10. I used to think my long hair made me look like George Harrison or John Lennon. After I put on a few pounds I thought I looked like Meatloaf. The gray hair just made me the new Jerry Garcia. Now I run around looking like Doc Brown from the Back to the Future movies.

9. “Don’t those Thai cooks know what ‘mild’ means?”

8. When I give directions to someplace, I have to include stories about what used to be there.

7.  I no longer stretch before exercising because by the time I’m done stretching I’m worn out.

6. Self-medicating used to be a lot more fun and adventurous.

5.  I don’t care what or who you want to put on your product as long as I can read how many carbs are in it.

4. I just had a 15-minute discussion about how Twinkies don’t taste like they used to.

3. I have 10 bottles of drugs on the counter. None of them recreational.

2. When a part of my body stops hurting, I first assume it’s fallen off.

1.I am running out of new symptoms to tell the doctor so that she won’t tell me that it’s all just part of getting old.