Top 10 things we learned from the debate

By Torry Stiles

10. A microphone “Off” switch would solve a lot of problems.

9. “Will you shut up, man?” … Seconds away from throwing hands. Break out the steel cage for a ladders and chairs match.

8. Size matters … Who’s got the bigger mask and bigger crowds?

7. Apparently, it is important to both open and close the economy down and to open and close schools simultaneously. So … I think there’s a catch in there somewhere.

6. Kindergarten teachers nationwide have been chiming in about how the moderator should’ve called a timeout for a juice break and nap.

5. I won five bucks for a “Here’s the deal,” but lost 10 when there wasn’t a Make America Great Again commercial.

4. Hunter Biden is more famous now than ever. I would like to party with that guy.

3. Apparently there were no tornadoes or hurricanes before the 1960s and we should vote early and often.

2. Heavyweight boxers shake hands before beating the crap out of each other. Couldn’t those two at least do a fist bump? I’m not asking for a deep kiss here.

1. The only thing that could’ve topped this whole thing would’ve been 30 minutes of, “Tastes great!” “Less filling!”