Top 10 things the emergency room nurses would like to say to you but probably can’t

By Torry Stiles

10. “A pizza party? How sweet. As soon as I get through these seven patients, I’ll be sure to pop down and have a slice.”

9. “I am the nurse. I decide where and how you get shaved. I cannot promise a nice bikini cut.”

8. “Yes, it will leave a scar. No, I cannot guarantee it will be a sexy scar.”

7. “I’ve seen your chart. I know what you have and even if I wasn’t married it would still be, ‘No.’”

6. “It’s just saline solution. Salt water. I don’t know what it tastes like. Get that out of your mouth.”

5. “You want to talk to management? Me, too. They’ve been phoning it in since the first lockdown.”

4.  “Gee, thanks Officer Friendly, you’ve brought us another passed-out drunk to babysit. Sheesh, even Sheriff Taylor in Mayberry knew how to handle Otis.”

3.  “Your kid has sniffles. Take this Kleenex and the next time you want a tattoo buy a vacuum cleaner instead.”

2. “That’s a broken wrist. Your CBD stuff and essential oils won’t fix a broken wrist.”

1.“Wash your hands. We don’t care who or what you touched but wash them.”