Top 10 signs that this might not be a four-star restaurant

By Torry Stiles

10. “What’s the soup?”

“They’re calling it potato.”

9.  They claim they got five-star reviews but failed to mention that was the total number of stars from all of the reviews.

8. What you thought were the chef’s diplomas on the wall were actually framed warranties for the water heater and ice maker.

7. “Waiter! Can I get some water?”

“Not until Table Three’s done with it.”

6.  “Are these oysters smoked?”

“Ask the dishwasher. He’ll smoke anything.”

5. “Can I get a bottle of Heinz to flavor my steak?”

“One bottle ain’t gonna be enough.”

4. You realize the rustic look of peanut shells on the floor is to hide the fact they haven’t swept it in months.

3. The dessert cart won’t be through until Billy’s done taking out the trash.

2. “What’s good on the menu?”

“Beats me.”

1.What you thought was a candle-lit romantic atmosphere is really an unpaid electric bill.