By Torry Stiles
10. He picks you up in his Lawn-Boy.
9. There’s a pat-down search at her parents’ house.
8. He’s brought a note from his doctor explaining the rash and what precautions she has to take if she catches it.
7. She insists you wear a nametag because you remind her so much of her ex who just dumped her for that floozie in the Sales Department with the really tight sweater and they were going to call it quits anyway until Miss Cardigan came around and his name is Phillip and you look like him but it’s over between her and Phil so if you could wear the nametag she’ll try to remember that your name is, um, um … yeah.
6. Driving to dinner he asks if you see any cops more than once.
5. There’s a prenup and you’re not even close to the “nup” part.
4. You go to your room to get dressed for your date and she’s at your window.
3. You recognize his van from Crime Stoppers.
2. You’re given a price list. “For $20 I will. …”
1.He brings his mother.