Top 10: reasons you didn’t get what you wanted for Christmas

By Torry Stiles

10. They canned 25% of the elves for not getting the vaccine.

9. I’ve been working overtime and the only place open after work is the convenience store. Hope you enjoy the sidewalk salt and beef jerky.

8. It’s gotta be around here somewhere. Must have slithered out of the box.

7. Santa went electric and has less cargo space these days.

6.  I found what you wanted online but then I found a site to gamble on the Colts game. Your present was the Colts beating the Patriots which cost me $25.

5. It looked so good in the store that I kept it for me. Maybe we’ll get you one for your birthday.

4. We bought local this year. Enjoy your box of Long’s donuts and that beer from Mashcraft.

3. She ain’t gonna call, bud. You’ve been friend zoned so deep you’ll need a passport just to talk to her. 

2.  Let it go, Boomer. You’re not getting the Millennium Falcon.

1. It’s Trump’s fault! Oh, wait. That was last year’s excuse. Let’s go Brandon!