Top 10 reasons I’ve never been called on to moderate a political candidate’s debate

By Torry Stiles

10.  “If you are elected, how do you plan to dispose of your enemies?”

9.  Instead of a “Time’s up” light we sock ‘em with cattle prod for talking too long.

8. “You entered politics 20 years ago to fix things. Things are still broken. Is it fair to say you suck at this job?”

7. Every round begins with a shot of schnapps and chugging a beer.

6.  “In your bid to remove guns would you start with your security team?”

5. “If you were a tree, how much would you tax yourself for it?”

4.  Three words: Bathing Suit Competition.

3.  If you’re caught lying you get a two-minute stay in the penalty box with a pack of rabid raccoons.

2. “All is fair in politics. That being said, let’s talk about your Mama.”

1. The final round is to be a game of “Horse” in the neighbor’s driveway. Loser gets a noogie from the winner.