Top 10 reasons I would make a terrible member of your protest group

By Torry Stiles

10. My wife won’t let me get a skateboard.

9. Enthusiastic co-workers but no dental plan.

8. My handwriting is so bad. Everybody keeps asking me which side I’m on.

7. The protest marshal gets ticked off that I ask for a chance to browse about before looting.

6. Put me in the front lines and I have to stop and go pee every five minutes.

5. Parking downtown is such a chore, and who really wants to ride the bus?

4. Mace gives me a rash and I’m plumb out of calamine lotion.

3. You bring Molotov cocktails and I bring marshmallows.

2. Every protest chant you try to teach me will inevitably end up with the phrase, “Doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy doo.”

1.I have to get up in the morning and go to work.