By Torry Stiles
10. The cat is giving me the side-eye and last night he left a mouse head on the foot of my bed.
9. I Googled “weird and funny-looking,” and my picture popped up three times on the front page.
8. After 30-plus years of marriage my wife still introduces me as her first husband.
7. My Smartwatch won’t do anything but flash the message, “You’re not smart enough.”
6. Went to the Mongolian barbecue place and didn’t see a single Mongol.
5. I called 911, and they told me they were closed and to call back later.
4. Siri and Alexa have filed a no-contact order on me.
3. My pharmacist looked at my prescription and stated he’d never heard of them giving that to humans.
2. When I hand the store cashier my money, they make a big show of holding it up to the light. I can understand being careful with big bills, but lately they’ve been doing it with quarters and dimes.
1.The dog is in the backyard digging a hole. Every few minutes he comes in, looks me up and down and goes back to making the hole bigger.