Top 10 reasons I could never be a comic book supervillain

By Torry Stiles

10. I don’t think I could stand up to Batman. I’d struggle with an average Walmart greeter.

9. Metropolis has Superman. Gotham City has Batman. New York has Spider-man. I’d go after a softer target, maybe Wanamaker.

8. I could never build a Death Ray. I’d be too worried about violating some FCC rule.

7.  I’m on these blood thinners so I bruise easily and pee a lot.

6. The wife won’t let me call our house an evil lair.

5. Have you seen the going rate for henchmen these days?

4. Doctor says I may be allergic to most insect bites, especially radioactive spiders.

3. No dental plan, even with outrageous co-pays.

2.  I look horrible in a body suit. Ain’t no robot arms gonna cover up these jelly rolls.

1. How am I going to be the “Terror of the Twilight” or the “Demon of Darkness” when I have to go to bed by 9:45?