By Torry Stiles
10. I’m not too old yet. Nobody has to trim my ear hairs.
9. I have yet to meet a single barber who talks like Floyd on The Andy Griffith Show … at least, not one that didn’t smell like witch hazel and gin.
8. Hey, lady stylist! If you don’t want me touching that don’t lean over me like that.
7. You can easily spot the most powerful person in the salon. It’s the one who picks the radio station.
6. I am coping quite healthily with my encroaching baldness. Please stop offering comb-over tips when others can hear us.
5. If you’re a lousy tipper make sure to go someplace new each time.
4. If I cut my hair short and trim my beard I look like my father. Short beard and long hair and I resemble my mother. Long beard and long hair I look like their old dog Sparky.
3. Hair cutters don’t think it’s funny when you just randomly scream in pain as soon as they rub on the shampoo.
2. If I want karaoke I’ll go to the bar. Just trim those bangs, Taylor Swiftscissors.
1. After they put the hair-catching cape on me I’m afraid to move. I don’t want them to think I’m doing anything creepy under there.