TOP 10 PLANS FOR MY STIMULUS CHECK THE WIFE HAS REJECTED

By Torry Stiles

10. Free “Torry’s Top 10” T-shirts for all my fans. I’ll need about three if I include my mom.

9. Four straight days of Sushi Club and Ritter’s Frozen Custard.

8. Glamor Shots session. Tasteful nudes only, of course. Lots of soft-focus stuff.

7. Down payment on a city-county council seat. Vote Torry!

6. Boxer shorts emblazoned with the phrase, “Quarantine This.”

5. “Feel the Bern” memorabilia. It’s on sale. Cheap.

4. Season tickets to the Southport Little League tee ball games. Box seats.

3. 40-inch spinner chrome wheels for my 20-year-old Lincoln Town Car with the cracked windshield and exhaust held up by a piece of rope.

2. ┬áSleepover in Long’s Bakery followed by a week’s stay at the diabetes clinic.

1.”Torry’s Top 10″ tattoo. She claimed it would be false advertising.