By Torry Stiles
10. P-mail – noun – messages that come just as you get positioned and can’t get to your phone.
9. Diaper pale – adjective – the color of a person dealing with their first nasty poo-poo.
8. Firejerks – noun – folks who let the Fourth run from the first to about October.
7. Mussel memory – noun – realizing this is the seafood place that got you sick the last time.
6. Kowtoweling – verb – the act of drying off a kneeling cow.
5. Onesie Prime – proper noun- that one baby outfit, out of hundreds in drawers and closets, that you are always putting back on the kid because it’s at the top of the laundry pile.
4. Enfamiliarity – noun – the art of knowing what each baby formula is for.
3. Changebling – noun – money you pay the neighbor lady to come over and change a diaper.
2. Oom-papaw – noun – that one grandfather who has to be physically restrained from throwing kids up in the air.
1.Goo-Google – noun – the website new parents need for the panicky “Why won’t he stop crying?” “Am I a bad mommy” “Is this the normal color?” “Why is he still crying?” requests.