Weekly Movie Review: Fifty Shades Darker

Fifty Shades Darker; many shades terrible

Valentine’s Day, a day set aside to recognize that warm fuzzy feeling called love, can be a make or break occasion in relationships. Spending too little or purchasing the wrong heart ornamented item can have serious repercussions. Similarly, doling out too much dough or God forbid, forgetting the pseudo holiday altogether can also prove disastrous. Spending the time together, going to a favorite restaurant, a movie or engaging in any other choice activity, seems to be a surefire way to avoid tears and an argument. And just in time for Valentine’s Day, one new film opened in theaters for those fight-averse couples.

Fifty Shades Darker is the sequel to 2015’s Fifty Shades of Grey, about the rocky, and sadomasochistic relationship between a recent college graduate and a mysterious, wealthy man. 2017’s film picks up soon after the conclusion of the first film, Anastasia and Christian have since broken up and Anastasia is working as an assistant at a book-publishing firm. As expected, Christian reaches back out to Anastasia informing her of his desire to get back together, stating that he is a changed man.

Soon enough, the two are reunited and the erotic escapades commence once again. Situated between the couple’s many inexplicable fights and their several make up scenes, the film attempts to delve into the background of Christian Grey. At a lavish party thrown by his parents, we’re introduced to the woman “responsible” for Christian’s sexual desires and emotional scarring. And of course, Anastasia and Christian progress in their relationship.

As light on plot (nonexistent) as Fifty Shades of Grey was, Fifty Shades Darker isn’t much better in that department. The film does introduce two characters that appear to be villains, but instead of actually doing anything with them, the film cuts back to Ana and Christian engaging in marital-type activity. In addition to the barely-there plot, the dialogue is poorly written. There are a handful of occasions, due to a line’s absurdity, that evoke derisive fits of laughter.

Much like the writing, the performances are pretty pathetic. Both of the main actors provide exceeding dull and lifeless performances. There is also zero chemistry between the two leads, making their illusion of a being a couple extraordinarily transparent. Kim Basinger, in a supporting role, is particularly awful, likely to be a candidate for worst performance of the year.

Fifty Shades Darker is a nearly two-hour exhibition of terrible acting and embarrassingly bad writing. Fifty Shades Darker is far and away the leading candidate for 2017’s worst film.  .5 of out 5.