Torry’s Top Ten: Thoughts of a crotchety old man

Top ten thoughts of a crotchety old man

by Torry Stiles

10. “Kids hardly ever come outside to play any more. I might never get the joy of yelling at them to get off my lawn.”

9. “I’m at the age where I try to be extra neat and careful just because it’s getting too painful to bend down and pick stuff up off the floor.”

8. “Soy milk. Almond Milk. Rice milk. Seems they’re making milk out of everything but milk these days.”

7. “Used to be the whole town went nuts over the Indy 500. Nowadays the only way I know the race is coming up is because Kroger’s brings back their Track Pack.”

6. “I remember when Saturday Night Live loved Trump. Those were the cocaine years. It was cool to be rich and white as long as you were in New York or Hollywood.”

5. “The Harry Potter movies are all about the effects of bad parenting. But,then, it’s hard to be a good parent when you’re worried about your kid turning you into a frog every time you tell him to clean his room.”

4. “If it looks funny and tastes funny maybe we need to see if there’s a clown working the grill.”

3. “Some stores just put the ‘cuss’ in ‘customer service.'”

2. “Other people’s dogs make the worst messes.”

1. “Kids all want those fidget spinners to fidget with. If their little paws are that restless I know where there’s a sink full of dirty dishes they can fidget with.”