Torry’s Top Ten: Things overheard at the big spring sale

Top ten best things overheard at the big spring sale

by Torry Stiles

10. “Cleats are a bad idea for a first time Tee ball player. Wait a few years, sir.”

9. “Starting a tick collection is just a bad idea. Try another bug. Something with pretty wings.”

8. “Mosquito spray isn’t supposed to smell nice, ma’am. If it did the skeeters might get to like it.”

7. “You don’t get a new electric saw until after you replace the last kitchen table you cut up.”

6. “Young woman, my eye. She’s my daughter and I say she ain’t buying a two piece bathing suit unless one of the pieces is an ankle-length sweatshirt.”

5. “Really, dear? You’re blaming your old grill? My mother had to have her stomach pumped the last time you cooked out. I don’t think we can blame it on the folks at Kingsford.”

4. “The $20 mitt is just as good as the $40 mitt. The guy who signed them won’t care either way.”

3. “For the last time: No. Your mother, wife and insurance agent all agree you aren’t allowed a chainsaw.”

2. “No, sweetie, you don’t get string from string beans.”

1. “I know you were excited to make the sale, Bobby, but you want to be careful. You should have congratulated him for buying a brand-spanking-new lawnmower not a brand new spanking lawnmower.”