Top Ten Random Thoughts as I Try to Figure Out What to Do with the 200 Pounds of Sidewalk Salt I Bought in September
by Torry Stiles
10. I need to work on shortening my column titles.
9. Where are the good scissors? All I can find are the pinking shears. …and why do we have pinking shears? …and whoever thought to call them that?
8. I need a new hobby if I have enough time to put that much thought into pinking shears.
7. I bet horseback riding was invented by some stupid caveman who lost a bet.
6. Two sounds that always make me put a little hustle into my step: The wife’s car pulling in the drive when I still have laundry to get in the machine and a cat coughing up a hairball on the good couch.
5. The Groundhog wasn’t any smarter than the guy who said we’d have a bad winter. Oh, wait. It was the salt salesman who said that.
4. I know I’m getting old when I no longer have the energy to complain about my lack of energy.
3. Can a snake shrug?
2. I just found another pair of pinking shears. I do not recall ever seeing anyone in this house pinking anything.
1. The neighbor lady just came to the door asking to borrow a pair of pinking shears. I give up.