Torry’s Top Ten: New tax suggestions

Top ten suggestions for new taxes

by Torry Stiles

(Dear readers – It seems our state government is proposing some new taxes on things like gasoline and cigarettes. These things are already pretty heavily taxes already so maybe it’s time for some new ideas.)

10. NonSocial Security. Two dollars a day for folks who refuse to return the greeting from the folks at Walgreen’s, WalMart or other stores.

9. Dumb Tax. One dollar assessed every time somebody pushes on a door that is clearly marked, “Pull.”

8. Cookie House Toll. Four percent of assessed value on gingerbread constructions.

7. Bonus Onus. The government seizes all casino winnings of people who do the ” Nah-Nonny boo-boo” dance at the penny slots.

6. Chevy Levy. Two dollars for singing the wrong lyrics to Don McLean songs.

5. The Tithes That Bind. Seven percent on rope, twine and bungee cords.

4. Snails tax. Ten percent extra for ordering the escargot.

3. Lancome tax. Similar to income tax but only on folks selling over-priced hair care products.

2. Facebook Share/Like Tax. Five dollar charge every time someone clicks “Share” or “Like” on one of those Facebook posts demanding you click. Folks silly enough to click that stuff will never notice they’re being charged.

1. The Smart Tax. A voluntary system whereby if you’re smart enough to figure out how not to pay it then you have to pay double. This system isn’t any more convoluted that what we have now.